What do you do with 400 basketball returns?

Back in the 1990s, these Bumbos were hazardous. Children would fall out of them and ... well ... die. Never mind that the parents were having them sit in the Bumbos ON THE KITCHEN ISLAND or DINING ROOM TABLE. After a huge recall, the Bumbos were sold with straps and eventually redesigned altogether. But if you can find one without the strap like THIS one, you can take it back to Target and get $30, or even over $40 if it has the tray. Sometimes you have to talk to the manager because the recall is an old one, and sometimes you get a Target gift card instead of straight cash. Make sure your local Target has sold the same color you have, though, as the location near us does not take back pink ones because they never sold pink ones to begin with, only blue, green, and purple. Trade: Purple Bumbo. Estimated Value: $30

Lesson 2: Men are nicer about the idea of a trade than women, unless you prefer the uptight, "no-my-one-dollar-item-is-worth-SO-much-I-couldn't-possibly-let-it-go-even-though-you-haven't-told-me-what-you-have-to-trade-yet" kind of gal. Trade:  A "Remo" hand drum and a cute question game to play at dinner with the family. I listed the hand drum on eBay for $20 (these ARE selling) even though the original garage-sale price was 25 cents, and we'll play the game. Estimated Value: $21.

Lesson 1: Don't go to a garage sale and immediately say you want to trade an item, even if it is for a "creative project" or an "article" you plan to write. People think you are a weirdo, no matter how enthusiastic, honest, nice, and/or smart you may seem. The trick is to find several things you want to buy and tell the seller this, "I want to buy [item A] for the price you have on it, but I'd like you to trade [item B] for [explain new basketball rebounder]. It's a unique, vintage item that you may be able to sell here for more than [item B]." After a medium-length pause, they tend to say okay. Trade:  Three outfits for my son to wear this year or next year. Estimated Value: $5.

We made a bad investment. Really bad.  My husband and I thought we hit the jackpot when we drove for several hours, from Michigan to Ohio, to pick up approximately 400 new-in-the-box basketball returns/rebounders from the 1990s: heavy-duty metal contraptions that attach to a basketball goal's rim and ensure the ball rolls straight out from under the hoop rather than off into the bushes or into the street. Only paying $400 total ($1 per piece), we estimated our profit as thousands of dollars through selling them on eBay, at auctions, and to parents whose children played basketball in the driveway.  Wrong. EBay and the auction houses wanted nothing to do with them. Sadly, they continued to sit, all 400 of them, in our three-car garage with expensive metal shelving we bought just for them. We practically begged, BEGGED people to buy these for even five bucks, to no avail. They have been sitting in our garage for over a year, and something has to be done. Donating the...